Life gets full. Sometimes full of stuff that doesn’t help recovering sex addicts recover. My life has been full of many distractions, some of which have taken me away from recovery, away from sobriety, and away from ministry. Oh, I still went through the motions, but for some time there was little forward movement. In fact, it was obvious about a year ago that I was indeed regressing rather than progressing toward a life characterized by freedom from lust and compulsive behaviors. I’m thankful to be back on track but that has only come with renewed attention to living in the truth and really working a program of recovery.
As my sponsor told me some time ago, “the Internet is not your friend.” My wife and I have set boundaries concerning my use of computers, smart phones, and the Internet. After getting used to maintaining those boundaries, we’ve been able to reestablish a certain measure of trust. I am just now getting back to updating and regularly maintaining some of the websites I used to be responsible for. And I am very glad to be able to contribute to this website once again. This is part of my 12th step and beneficial to my sobriety and recovery.
I hope in the next few weeks to share in this space some of the recovery lessons I’ve learned in the past year. Resentment, particularly toward the people I work with and love, has been a challenge that I’ve learned must be dealt with early and often.
Have you ever been caught? Most of us have. Maybe you’ve been caught doing something you are ashamed of like looking at porn or masturbating—or sexual behaviors with even greater consequences like having an affair or an anonymous encounter. Getting caught in such activities brings serious consequences: a broken marriage, loss of a ministry position, or even arrest. Even our most “minor indiscretions” can damage relationships and cause an almost irreparable loss of trust.
For a long time, I thought exposure was the worst thing that could happen to me and that the key to avoiding consequences was to not get caught. This way of thinking drove me deeper into hiding and forced me to great lengths rationalizing behaviors and justifying deception.
ONE Magazine, produced by the Free Will Baptist denomination, recently published two articles dealing with sex addiction among pastors. The first is an anonymous article written by a pastor who identifies himself as a sex addict. The second is his wife’s response. These articles include links to resources helpful to both the addict and spouse.
We appreciate the link to the Sex Addicts in Ministry website.
Watch the apology Pastor Darrell Brazell offered to the women at the Women of Virtue Conference on behalf of himself, the men at the Men of Valor Conference and on behalf of all men who have strayed for being consumers and devourers of Eve instead of protectors of Eve.