Relapse is a terrible thing. It forces you into isolation and secrecy. Even if the relapse only includes forays into Internet pornography, it damages self-esteem, your relationship with your spouse and most importantly, your relationship with God. Relapse of any kind is just not worth it.
I relapsed into Internet pornography a few months ago. I convinced myself that I could keep this activity a secret. I convinced myself that I was still sober since I had not acted out with anyone else or even myself, but I had filled my mind with lustful images. Once again, I had become emotionally and spiritually unavailable to those who needed me. It was not a good thing. When my wife found out about it, the damage was devastating. We are still in the process of rebuilding trust.
Thinking about going back to porn? I don’t recommend it. Count the costs before you do. Reach out to someone who can offer you support. Don’t have anyone? I’d be willing to talk to you. Feel free to call me.
According to Covenant Eyes, 75% of pastors do not make themselves accountable to anyone for their Internet use, yet over half (51%) consider Internet pornography a possible temptation. Where are you in this stat? Still trying to manage this problem alone?
How long will we live in denial? We cannot conquer this beast and achieve anything even vaguely resembling sexual integrity without the help of others. We need others to hold us accountable, to encourage us to bring secrets into the light, to ask the hard questions, and to be there to extend grace when we fail. I’m grateful for the circle of Christian brothers who “know my stuff” and love me anyway. I’m thankful for those men who actually read my Covenant Eyes reports. And I definitely could not do without those men I can call at any hour when I feel tempted, resentful, fearful, or depressed.
Don’t have anyone like that in your life? You’ve come to the right place. One of the goals of this website is to encourage accountability, openness, and honesty in a safe environment. Give us a call; shoot off an email. We’re here to help.
Have you ever been caught? Most of us have. Maybe you’ve been caught doing something you are ashamed of like looking at porn or masturbating—or sexual behaviors with even greater consequences like having an affair or an anonymous encounter. Getting caught in such activities brings serious consequences: a broken marriage, loss of a ministry position, or even arrest. Even our most “minor indiscretions” can damage relationships and cause an almost irreparable loss of trust.
For a long time, I thought exposure was the worst thing that could happen to me and that the key to avoiding consequences was to not get caught. This way of thinking drove me deeper into hiding and forced me to great lengths rationalizing behaviors and justifying deception. Continue reading